Tips for Dads: Caring for New Moms
Provided by Dads Adventure
The first few weeks home with a new baby are often a whirlwind of doubt, sleep deprivation, and frustration, with sporadic moments of joy when the baby goes to sleep. While it does get much better, the first few weeks are generally worse for the new mom. She is recovering from birth and maybe a C-section, riding an emotional and physical roller coaster, trying to breast-feed a screaming infant she may believe she is starving, and has little experienced help.
Life as she knew it has evaporated. Her traditional support structure is gone. She feels trapped and quite often is physically attached to her baby. Under the best of circumstances, a new mom may get no more than a few hours of rest daily. Exhausted and overwhelmed, she is expected to know and attend to all the baby needs because of her "maternal instinct." Talk about a setup!
Here is advice for fathers during the baby's first week home:
- Quickly learn to change diapers, burp, and calm your crying baby by jumping in from the start. Show mom she can count on you.
- Coordinate any help. Obtain what is needed from family, friends, or neighbors, and make sure it is actually helpful.
- Keep necessary resources available, including phone numbers of doctors, the hospital, and helpful books, and use them.
- Tell her she is doing great and will be a wonderful mom
- Help her get some sleep, and try to get some also.
A new mom also may think she is inherently supposed to know what to do, but may feel overwhelmed and lost.
- Reassure her that you are in it together, and you will get through it together. Be positive, constructive, encouraging, and help build her confidence.
- Pitch in as much as possible. In the middle of the night when the baby is crying and both of you are dead tired, reach deep and find the strength to get up and handle the baby. Sleep will do her good.
- On occasion, when your baby is calm, remind her of the miracle that she brought into your world. Together, check out your baby's fingers, toes, and nose, and talk of the future – your child's first day at school, first date and most importantly, the first time he sleeps through the night!
Some new moms thrive like they were born to be a mother. Some babies sleep through the night right away and rarely cry. If so, enjoy it, but don’t depend on it. Be aware that "natural" moms and calm babies need just as much from dad, so don’t step back.
Veteran dads stress the importance of taking care of new moms more than anything else. When you are dog-tired and taking heat for not being perfect, being generous with Mom can be trying. Down the road; however, when you look back, you will know you were up to the challenge and you will want her to know, too. Often the little things count the most. "Nice job, Mom," when your baby goes to sleep after being fussy goes a long way. The impromptu backrub that feels good, leaves mom feeling loved and appreciated.
Boot Camp for New Dads. (2003). Caring for new moms [On-line].
